How is it to live through depression?
As I said earlier, depression drenches the pleasure away from your life like a sponge. None of the things that I enjoy when I feel good like music, food, or books are pleasurable while I am in a depressive state. Life makes no sense. I think that depression could be compared to malware that took control over the computer operating system. You feel like your consciousness has been hijacked and you have to spend enormous energy resisting the malware influence even while performing the simplest of operations. At some level of your consciousness, you try to neutralize the effect of that invasion. However, the more efforts you spend correcting the corruption caused by the invader, the more powerful the invader becomes causing more corruption and distortion. This struggle continues all the time.
Ultimately, because the level of anxiety is overwhelming, your consciousness creates a separate frame of reference. All the information arrives through your senses is being analyzed and filtered through this oddly offset frame of reference, which drains emotional, spiritual and mental resources away from you because the process is very unnatural for your being. The natural frame of reference is the one of trust, hope, optimism and promise. That’s the way nature is. That’s the way animals are. They don’t wake up and worry about insurance and having enough money.
I sure tried to treat the condition. However, all my tries with the conventional medicine weren’t successful. Usually, when you go to a doctor she would say, “What type of pill should I prescribe you?” Who knows maybe I wasn’t lucky with the doctor, but after a while I got tired of that. Of course, I’d take the pill if I needed to sleep. Yet I realized this wasn’t a solution. Such treatment was suppressing the symptom while I wanted to get read the underlying cause of my depression. That’s why I decided to search for an alternative way. I was mentally open to it. I believed that the solution existed; only it was somewhere beyond the physical level and I wanted to find this method. Indeed, this was an unusual experience.
This is the first step that a person has to make before he or she would venture in an alternative method. There is a solution to one’s problem outside the realm of the conventional medicine. You have to accept a belief that a lot of what happens in life is not physical. If you are not open to that idea nothing is going to help. The first step in healing is believing that there are things in this world that are beyond the physical world. It is possible and you just don’t know what the method is. Then you look for someone who offers this method. That someone could help you and had an experience, so when you talk to them you are getting a sense of confidence.
A year after my divorce, I decided to try and alternative method and decided to see the Brazilian shaman. Before going there, I contacted their center in the US. They told me that I don’t have to come to Brazil and be there physically. All I had to do was to send them my picture and lie in bed at an arranged time while they’d work on me. Sure enough, when it happen, it felt as if I was in an intensive care unit and a doctor was working on me. This was the first experience that I’ve got when healing was conducted remotely. I also discovered that for some people one treatment could be enough, while in my case it obviously wasn’t. It’s then when I met Bea.