My original attitude towards occult belief
I’d say, that when it comes to occult stuff, I was rather pessimistic, an agnostic so to speak. This means that day to day I didn’t believe in it, and even crack jokes at the opportune moments, but once in awhile, I came across some weird appurtenance that no matter how you turn its occurrence in your head, you cannot find a decent rational explanation. For example, many times when I was alone in my room I felt a chill running down my spine. That wasn’t the same kind of chill as I experienced looking a painting or suddenly understanding the meaning of a poetic verse. That was a nasty, dreadful chill giving you an unequivocal feeling that someone stands behind you and not with good intentions. Or it was this one time in a hotel when had a “blood freezing” dream where I was hanging somewhere in peach black space with absolutely no one around and I comprehended to the last informational tincture of my transitional being that that’s how it’s going to be from now on. Surely, you could try explaining it as a movement of some neurotransmitters in your brain and chemical reactions, but…
The history of my problem
By trade, I am a programmer analyst. The profession that requires a presence of persistent imagination, since you are dealing with the limitation imposed by the Universe on a daily basis. The further you can stretch your imagination the smoother your day or, sometimes, subsequent weeks are going to evolve. Of course, there are always several bosses, who perceive your professional presence as a somewhat expensive typist and therefore, couldn’t understand why you are typing so slowly. By the end of the work day, you feel as a squeezed lemon and have only enough mental energy to watch a blatantly stupid movie.
The correlation of these factors over time along with some unresolved childhood memories have tangled my nervous system in a variation of Gordian knot and, one beautiful day threw me into a violent embrace of a panic attack.
Whoever lived through panic attack knows that this sensation is not one of the most pleasant. Normally, people don’t die from them although they feel like they about to do this. Then there were various doctors that prescribed me an assortment of pills. However, despite ample pharmaceutical efforts my illness, trauma or whatever it was continued popping up in different incarnations, like a gopher’s head appearing from the next hole if the previous one was blocked.
Holistic Therapist, Intuitive Counselor, Psychic Reader
561 252 3707 – IntuitiveBea@gmail.com
Life-coach, Master Tarot Teacher, Certified Theta-Healing® Practitioner, Certified & Licensed Counselor